One Hell of a Mother (2)- By Jaye Brewer

When I was pregnant, I wondered what kind of Mother I would be, and I still do. Would I have patience when his only way to communicate is to cry? Will I yell at him when he makes an honest mistake?

Will I let him cry it out or run to wipe his tears? Would punishment be to spank him, or would my words be just enough? What does Motherhood look like for me? Do I even have what it takes to raise a baby all alone? I also wondered what kind of child he would be. Would he be calm and quiet like me? Or friendly and energetic like his biological dad? Would he keep me up all day and night? Or would he have the same sleep patterns that I do? Would he be healthy? Would he love me? Or would he resent me for bringing him into this world and not being able to give him the picture-perfect life and family? Or even a father to teach him how to play basketball or things only a man can teach his son? 

I had and still have so many questions.

Right now, I know I am the best Mom I can be to him. I run when he cries, and my anxiety kicks in when I feel like I can't soothe him fast enough. If I am away from him for too long, I feel guilty, even when I decide to do things around the house while he naps. He has the calmest personality in a baby I’ve ever seen, and I thank God for giving me a baby that fits my personality and lifestyle. Because I know there are some Mom’s who aren’t as lucky. I learned everything I know about Motherhood, the do’s and don'ts, from my Mother. Everything I know about being a Mom I learned from other Mothers. My village is very small. It consists of one person, my younger sister, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I talk to God sometimes, and at the top of the list of things I’m grateful for, my son is always number one. I thank him for the food in our bellies, the roof over our heads, and the car to get us places. For me, Motherhood is simple. Maybe because I have a newborn, or perhaps because it’s the only thing I need to focus on, or maybe it’s because my Mother was one hell of a Mother. I don’t know what kind of Mother I will become, and I think that changes over time, depending on the stage Chozen (my son) is in at the time. I know that no matter the circumstance or situation, my son will always have me, and just like my Mother, I’d give my life for him to have a life better than mine.